Post by Zilla2112 on Jan 7, 2012 23:02:45 GMT -5
Yes, Randy Blythe just announced that he wants to become president, and listed some of the hilarious things he would do if he were president.
randonesia.tumblr.com/post/15251001685/i-want-to-be-the-big-cheese
The best part:
"My first act as President of the United States will to be shot. That’s right, SHOT. With a high-powered assault rifle. Immediately after taking the oath of office, I will be escorted about twenty yards away and be shot publicly in a non-lethal area of my body by a highly trained Navy SEAL sniper. It will hurt like fuck. Why would I do this? Because I will now be commander-in-chief of the armed forces. This means that during my term I will probably have to make some tough decisions affecting the survival of other men. And as commander-in-chief, I shouldn’t expect anyone in our military to do anything I’m not willing to do myself. That includes getting shot. Me being shot will be broadcast live world-wide via satellite, with no bleeping out of the incredible string of curse words I will undoubtably let fly with. I will be required to walk/limp/crawl on my own power a minimum of 50 yards through the mud to an ambulance that will take me away to patch me up. If I can’t make it on my own, I’m not tough enough to be your President. After all the nations in the entire world witness America’s new President, an insane looking heavily tattooed freak, getting shot ON HIS OWN ORDER as soon as he takes office, then crawling all bloody to an ambulance, cussing the whole way and screaming pure hate in a monstrous voice tortured by years of touring and Marlboro Reds, they will think twice before fucking with us. I can promise you that.
Speaking of military policy, there’s a few other things I will be required to do if I am going to be your commander-in-chief. The first thing I’ll do after recovering from being shot will be to go through the thirteen week Marine Corps basic training boot camp on luxurious Parris Island, South Carolina. I’ll be treated like any other recruit, in fact, probably worse due to my status as the new POTUS.
‘Well, well, well, what do we have here? Isn’t this just PRECIOUS” the drill sergeant will scream in my face “If it isn’t the goddamned President of the United fucking States. Do you think your special, boy? Do you think just because you fooled a bunch of goddamned idiots into voting you into the White House you deserve special treatment? Are you staring at my ass, son? Are you sweet for me? This is the Corps, not Harvey Milk’s San Francisco. Now drop and give me 50, you sub-human piece of shit!”
The physical and mental abuse will be extreme, but I’ve done that to myself for years already, so I’m confident I will pull through ok and be a better man for it.
After I make it through boot camp and come out a lean, mean, presidential killing machine, I’ll have to immediately assess our military presence world-wide. I’ll take a look at any conflicts we are currently involved in, and if I want to keep our troops there and fighting, I’ll be required to fly there ASAP on Air Force One and kill an enemy prisoner myself. In a UFC-style chain-link octagon. In hand-to-hand combat. With a ka-bar knife. If I don’t have the balls to use my recent Marine Corps training, face off against the enemy, and knife another man TO DEATH, then I have NO BUSINESS sending men and women I’ve never met to fight and maybe die in a strange land in the name of service to our country. Once again, if I don’t have the stones to do this, then I don’t have the stones to be your President.
In fact, anytime I decide America is going to war with another country, I will be REQUIRED to kill the first of the enemy, on their home turf, face to face in a brutal manner and with a primitive weapon. If I am willing to do that, there’s a pretty good chance I’m not shipping our guys and gals over there just because they have some oil I want or wear funny hats. They need to die in order to keep America safe. I should certainly not mind doing my part to make that happen."
randonesia.tumblr.com/post/15251001685/i-want-to-be-the-big-cheese
The best part:
"My first act as President of the United States will to be shot. That’s right, SHOT. With a high-powered assault rifle. Immediately after taking the oath of office, I will be escorted about twenty yards away and be shot publicly in a non-lethal area of my body by a highly trained Navy SEAL sniper. It will hurt like fuck. Why would I do this? Because I will now be commander-in-chief of the armed forces. This means that during my term I will probably have to make some tough decisions affecting the survival of other men. And as commander-in-chief, I shouldn’t expect anyone in our military to do anything I’m not willing to do myself. That includes getting shot. Me being shot will be broadcast live world-wide via satellite, with no bleeping out of the incredible string of curse words I will undoubtably let fly with. I will be required to walk/limp/crawl on my own power a minimum of 50 yards through the mud to an ambulance that will take me away to patch me up. If I can’t make it on my own, I’m not tough enough to be your President. After all the nations in the entire world witness America’s new President, an insane looking heavily tattooed freak, getting shot ON HIS OWN ORDER as soon as he takes office, then crawling all bloody to an ambulance, cussing the whole way and screaming pure hate in a monstrous voice tortured by years of touring and Marlboro Reds, they will think twice before fucking with us. I can promise you that.
Speaking of military policy, there’s a few other things I will be required to do if I am going to be your commander-in-chief. The first thing I’ll do after recovering from being shot will be to go through the thirteen week Marine Corps basic training boot camp on luxurious Parris Island, South Carolina. I’ll be treated like any other recruit, in fact, probably worse due to my status as the new POTUS.
‘Well, well, well, what do we have here? Isn’t this just PRECIOUS” the drill sergeant will scream in my face “If it isn’t the goddamned President of the United fucking States. Do you think your special, boy? Do you think just because you fooled a bunch of goddamned idiots into voting you into the White House you deserve special treatment? Are you staring at my ass, son? Are you sweet for me? This is the Corps, not Harvey Milk’s San Francisco. Now drop and give me 50, you sub-human piece of shit!”
The physical and mental abuse will be extreme, but I’ve done that to myself for years already, so I’m confident I will pull through ok and be a better man for it.
After I make it through boot camp and come out a lean, mean, presidential killing machine, I’ll have to immediately assess our military presence world-wide. I’ll take a look at any conflicts we are currently involved in, and if I want to keep our troops there and fighting, I’ll be required to fly there ASAP on Air Force One and kill an enemy prisoner myself. In a UFC-style chain-link octagon. In hand-to-hand combat. With a ka-bar knife. If I don’t have the balls to use my recent Marine Corps training, face off against the enemy, and knife another man TO DEATH, then I have NO BUSINESS sending men and women I’ve never met to fight and maybe die in a strange land in the name of service to our country. Once again, if I don’t have the stones to do this, then I don’t have the stones to be your President.
In fact, anytime I decide America is going to war with another country, I will be REQUIRED to kill the first of the enemy, on their home turf, face to face in a brutal manner and with a primitive weapon. If I am willing to do that, there’s a pretty good chance I’m not shipping our guys and gals over there just because they have some oil I want or wear funny hats. They need to die in order to keep America safe. I should certainly not mind doing my part to make that happen."
